Customer Etiquette

Various customers will come through a checkout chicks checkout every day. Some of these customers are wonderful, and really brighten your day. Others are just plain cocksmears, and make you want to quit. So for you, the customer, I have compiled a set of rules for you to follow whenever you go through a checkout.

1. Greeting
   just as much as it is our job to greet you and be friendly, that courtesy should be returned. Its really not that hard to say "good thanks, and you?".
2. Conversation
   Its not hard to hold a conversation with a checkout chick, in fact more often than not, we can talk AND pack, AT THE SAME TIME!!! But, we don't want to hear about your life, even just a quick chat about the latest band/football game/V8's race whatever, is fine, if you feel the need to converse.
3. Baskets
   A lot of customers buying a few items will often put their shopping in a shopping basket (gee who'd ahve thunk it?). But, these customers don't always take them OUT of the basket when they reach the checkout, they'll just leave a bunch of awkwardly placed items in a basket on your register, and expect you to deal with them.
   Pro-tip: don't do that. Most operators these days will just pick the basket up, dump your shit on the register, chuck the basket to the end of the conveyor, and start scanning. Why? The look of horror on a customer's face is worth it. We're not meant to empty your basket for you, its an OHS issue, ya know, the whole reaching thing. May not seem like a major issue, but if you do our job 4 hours straight, chances are, your shoulders will hurt like all buggery too.
4. Conveyor Organisation
   This is about how you put your groceries on the conveyor belt.
   Firstly, don't throw your shit there haphazard like, its really awkward for packing. Put things in categories, ya know, cold food, meat, fruit and veg, cans, boxes, soft items, pet food and non-food items. Its just easier.
   Don't stand bottles up, they fall over, also don't lie them sideways so they roll. Thats just retarded, on their side, veritcally, means they'll stay in one spot and wont move. Makes my life easy.
   Also, don't put ALL the heavy items on the far end of the register, or in the middle, it weighs it down unevenly, and stops it from moving.
5. Price Checks
   Don't ask us if something is 'x' amount, we don't know. That's what grocery workers are on the floor for. We can do a price check sure. But if you disagree, I still have to get a grocery worker to come to my register, take the product, find it, check the price and come back and tell me.
   Also, NEVER tell a checkout chick how much EACH and EVERY piece of fruit and/or vegetable costs per kilo. We don't know, the register does, and the code we put in will tell us the price.
   And on that note, we also don't want to be told what every piece of fresh produce is called either, we're trained to know. In fact, chances are, most of us are smarter than you.
6. Multi-buys
   Many supermarkets these days have a thing called "multi-buys" or two for one deals. This is when you can by a multiple amount of the same product for a discounted price, or buy one and get one free.
   Firslty, READ the ticket. It's annoying having someone come up and complain that the bread they bought is a 2 for $5 deal, and when we check, its actually the bread next to it.
   Secondly, don't interrupt me halfway through scanning to tell me that "those cans of tuna are meant to be 5 for $4", when I've only JUST started scanning them. The register corrects it, once the four items have gone through dickwad, otherwise it would just be a standard special wouldn't it. Oh look at that, the items are now highlighted in red, and discount has been applied.
   And LOOK at that red writing before you want to abuse me for the multibuy not going through properly, because chances are, it probably did, but you're too self absorbed to care.
7. Mobile Phones
   Yep, just like high school. I want them banned at checkouts. Do you know how fucking RUDE it is to answer your phone, or WORSE make a phone call, just as your shopping has gone through and we're up to the payment stage? Not only does it stall the queue, but its really rude of me to tell you to put your phone down, and pay for your groceries. Its also really hard for me to actually convey how much you need to pay me.
8. Knowing everything about the job
   Pro-tip, you know shit about my job, and if you do because you're a checkout operator as well, you're likely not to tell me how to operate my checkout. So, in short. No "back when I was a checkout chick we used to......" or "No, you CAN do this, you just WON'T". None of it. At all. Its not on. When you were a checkout chick 20 years ago, things were different. That girl over there did this for you last week did she? Well she broke the rules, and I should probably report her.
9. Cash out and change
   Ok, this may seem like a simple task for some people. Apparently the question "would you like some cash out?" requires some deliberation, and/or restating for some customers. When you swipe your card, you'll be asked the question, and you answer it. Simple.
   Also, if you want your cash out/change broken up in a particular way, tell the checkout operator before they get it out of their cash draw. There's nothing more irritating than having to having to enter in passcodes and operator numbers to open the draw so you can get that 20 changed into 2 10s. If all else fails say "can i get 50 out, in two 20s and a 10?" or something similar.
10. Leaving the checkout
    Don't just grab your shopping and go, say thanks and bye!! Its just polite.
11. Interruptions
    If I'm in the middle of serving someone, don't come up to the end of my register to ask ANY of the following:
    "Can change this to a dollar for the trolley?" - stand in line, or wait at the service desk.
    "Where do you find......" - same as above, OR ask a grocery worker, its what their for.
    "Do you know where such and such is in the plaza?" - no i dont.
    "Can i have a plastic bag?" - no, you can't.
    randomly speak gibberish at me, till someone tells me you want to know if i speak Italian, or whatever. And when i say no, continue yelling at me. I think the fact I had no idea what you were intially saying means that your gonna have to speak English if you want my help. But again, stand in line, then feel free.

So there you have it. Not hard when you think about it. Just common sense. Good luck!

On People

As a disclaimer, this is not about anyone in particular in my life, just a general observation of people around me. I say this because in the past when people have read stuff of mine in blogs online, they instantly think it's all about them, and want to know what other issues I may have with them and all that utter bullshit. Seriously, get over yourself, your world may revolve around you, but mine doesn't.

I for one like to think I am fairly tolerant of other people. In fact I'd say I'm highly tolerant. To people's faces. The fact that you're the most immature twat I've ever met, and right now I'd eally love to stab you in the neck, doesn't come across in any of my dialogue when dealing with people. However I sometimes think it would be worth going home, making a voodoo doll and stabbing it repeatedly until I can be sure you will no longer blemish the planet with your existance. Of course, this is not my usual reaction, and I'll instead just endeavour to avoid conversation with you in the future.

My favourite pet hate is the lazy person. However this particular lazy person is not just ANY kind of lazy person, albeit a normal lazy person that doesn't do any of the groupwork at uni will shit me up the wall. Oh no, this lazy person is the kind of person that complains. About being lazy.
They may not be complaining about being lazy in the total literal sense, but I'm sure you all know what I mean. The kind of person that just can't quite get a grasp of life, and how it works. The kind of person that does things slowly, and by things I mean changes themselves. I know sometimes it is quite hard to break bad habits, but COME ON!! There is a LINE, it is firmly drawn in the sand, if you are incapable of surviving in the real world, natural selection will come up and bite you on the arse. I'm not the model student, that's for sure, in fact, I highly recommend never basing your study habits on mine. I don't go to morning lectures most weeks, because honestly, I can't be fucked, I get stuff handed in on time, barely. However I pass everything, because I take a bit of time to go over the course material I've missed. And if I fail, I sure as shit don't blame the lecture notes that have been posted online, I kick myself fair and square in the arse, tell myself to go to class, and then I just do what I always do. Drink.
BUT!! I don't sit there doing any of these things: Qualifying my actions, making excuses, blaming other people, or worse THINGS, or telling myself its ok, I will eventually get to the point where I'm a student that turns up every day. I just do what I do, knowing that in the end, when I graduate, I won't have burnt myself out, and I'll probably turn up to work, because I'll get paid for that. OOOOO money, the root of all evil.

It's people who do those things listed above that really shit me. For example, a video game addict, loses their girlfriend because they, well, spend too much time on various consoles. They then blame the console and not themselves. This kind of behaviour is not only unconstructive, it also shows how immature this kind of person really is. Is it the consoles fault you spent all your time playing Mortal Combat 3 or whatever the new fucking awesome game out is? No, I don't think it is. If you had made a conscious choice to spend some time with your woman, maybe you'd still have her. Then again, maybe you wouldn't because she'd leave for some other, more than likely, fair and reasonable reason.
It's the same concept as someone who is lactose intolerant eating a block of cheese, and drinking two litres of full cream milk, getting sick and then saying "OHHHHHHHH the dairy made me siiiiiiick." Yeah, no. You made you sick, learn dickhead, or die. Please. I would really like to eradict the idiot gene by the year 2150 from the human race.

Then of course there's the classic pet hate of mine, the adult child. This person usually encompasses, some or all of the personality traits of the above scenario, however they are much.. much worse. These people tend to lack the ability to dress themselves, without a physical or mental disorder causing this problem. These people are perfectly capable of looking after themselves, they are just to lazy. And most likely, they complain about it, qualify how their going to learn slowly etc etc etc. Got news for you buddy, society ain't gonna slow the fuck down to accomodate you, I suggest you grow up quick and fast because mummy ain't here to wipe your arse. Of course, there are people with genuine reasons for having to transition into, or back into the way society works. Whether it be they're recovering from a physical illnes (hell I've been there), or dealing with some post traumatic streessor, there are cases when I can kind of sympathise with people in this situation.
But, again, there is a line. If you're capable of studying, you're capable of working. If you're capable of eating, you're capable of cooking food for yourself. If you're capable of shit, you sure as hell better be capable of wiping your own fucking arse. Because quite frankly, I have spent the last 23 years getting to where I am now, being a fully functioning human being, where I can take responsibilty for my own actions, and my own life, and I sure as shit don't want to baby someone to the point I'm at because they're "fragile" or whatever. I deal with these kinds of people at Uni, at work, socialising. It's annoying. If you want to engage in self destructive behaviour, do it. I can guarantee you, not very many people have the time or resources to bail people out of these situations these days, and its a rare opportunity when someone can. I'm currently embarking on one of these opportunities, as is one of my close friends. We have been given the opportunity to save a bit of cash, while living with some friends. I am more than grateful for this opportunity, as is my other mate, it's just these people that... don't care.
For example, let's say you were given the opportunity to save some money, by crashing in someones spare room for a few months, would you a) buy a PS3 or b) save up some bond and furniture money, and obtain a place of your own as soon as you could. I know which one I'd be doing, and am doing.

So I guess in a nutshell, what I'm saying is this: be as lazy as you fucking want, I really don't care, as long as it doesn't affect me, adn as long as you don't come to me for help when your down, because I sure as shit ain't putting my life on hold to wait for a minority of people to catch up, who in a more primitive society, would have been knocked out by natural selection.

Friends

There seem to be lots of variations on the meaning of the word "friend".
A friend could be someone you turn to in time of need, someone who goes out drinking with you even if they don't like the place your drinking. They could be someone that you have very similar interests with, and similar hobbies. They could be a family member, a school mate, a work colleague or any random person on the street.
There is the infamous "best friend".
Then there are times when that friendship moves on to the next level, and you become "more than friends".

More often than not, your friends, will have other friends. Sometimes you get along with these other circles, sometimes you think, that if given the chance, you would punch the living daylights out of each person one by one, just for the mere satisfaction of bringing them down a peg or two, (note, this is usually an occurence when one of your friends floats between social status circles, and you're the "underdog" and this other group thinks they have it over you).

Then you have those friends that you are embarassed to introduce to your tight knit circles. I am usually this friend, not that its a bad thing. I'm just loud, obnoxious, a smartarse and my shame is non-existant. This can make for some awkward meetings, not for me, but for others, because quite frankly, I don't give a shit.

However, events in the not so recent past have forced me, to redefine my definition of a friend.
Where do lines of friendship begin and end? How do we define when these lines are crossed, or jumped up and down on? How do we, as people, define what and who is truly our friend?

So often do I go to uni, or work, and socialise with my affectionately labeled friends. Some of these I would consider a closer friend than others. Some I just class as a friend because we have the same friends. However I have always prided myself on having a few, close, select friends, with whom my trust and loyalty is permanently embedded in the friendship.
Or so I thought.
This is where the "friend line" needs to be drawn. What can one consider a fair and just line to draw in the friendship sand when building a friendship? Most people I talk to say that friendship is built on trust, loyalty, reliability, and a special form of friend love.
This friend love is unique, and once in a blue moon, can form in real love, but thats another story for another day.
My friend line is drawn in the sand, with these things in mind. As well as confidence and privacy.
For example, if a friend came to me, with boyfriend troubles, the last thing I would do is talk to my other friends about it. Hell, not even the significant other would hear about it unless I needed some advice on how to guide her through her tough time.
Apparently, this loyalty and trust is fast becoming a thing of the past. I have had to rid myself of people around me, whom I cannot place my trust in. Why? Because they were relaying everything going on in my life, not only to their significant other, who works with my significant other, and enjoys stirring shit, but ALL their other friends, who either A) don't know me or B) decided long ago I was some waste of time. The quote "just tell her to fuck off" comes to mind, as something this supposed friend was told by one of her mates, in regards to issues I was having but she couldn't "deal with".

Looking back on it all, I wonder why I thought I was any different to any of her other friends. Her excuse for telling her beloved? "We share everything". Well, that's fine, but that doesn't give you the right to share MY everything with the cock.
She used to tell me all her other friends problems as well. Although, if I spoke to her (merely to get something off my chest), it was "I don't need to hear this, I don't know this person" etc etc. What and you think I care that your speaking to someone whom you have less respect for than you have for me? I really don't want to hear all your other friends problems either, but you lay them out on me all the time.
Perhaps it was because I labelled this particualr person as my best friend, that I failed to see, that I was placed in the same basket as everyone else in her books. Just someone to hang out with when noone else was available, someone to bitch about to all her other friends, and someone to stab in the back when she was caught.

But I digress. It seems to me as though someone can only be considered a true friend, when they don't go past that line you have set up in the beginnings of the friendship. And the only way to find this out, is for time to carry on, and let this person go either way.

Of course, other people have experienced the best friend wrath as I have. And most of us more than likely spend our time afterwards finding it hard to ever trust somebody again. I for one, have found my old friends, with whom I parted ways with years ago, and circumstance has brought us back together. Of course, as we never parted ways on bad or willing terms, it just happened our lives took us in different directions, we are able to renew and continue our lasting friendship, that has, in fact weathered past all the absences of each other in our lives.
These are the kinds of friends that will always be there, regardless of where you are, and what has happened. "Bailing" each other out, helping each other, and being there for each other is essential, and what we do. Because we are a group of friends we can talk openly amongst ourselves, and the unwritten rule that what we say as a group stays within the group, is upheld. Unless of course someone asks for external advice.
In essence I suppose, true friends end up being a part of an extended family, that we all love being a part of, and can choose to come and go as we please.

supermarkets

Hmmkay. So I work at Coles. Not a great place to work, but pays the bills none-the-less.
I spend about ten hours a week, placing groceries into plastic (or those OH SO FANTASTIC POLYPROPOLENE BAGS MADE JUST FOR THE ENVIRONMENT) bags, and taking money from you. Sometimes I give money back in the form of change, or "cash out".
Sometimes, I get to work in other departments, those times, just make my fucking Coles day.

But essentially, a job in a supermarket is not as glamorous as one might actually think.
For example, do you honestly think I really care about how you are? I mean, it's not like I've said "hi, I'm here to be your emotional punching bag for the evening, start whenever you are ready". I don't need to hear about how shit your kids are, how woe your money situation is (come on mister, I'm a Uni student, I know what money problems are, you're wearing an Amani suit, and complaining about how the interest rates on term deposits and such are SO affecting you right now, get a life, and if you're gonna bitch, gimme some of that money you have), and I REALLY don't need to hear about how shit your shopping experience has been in the past.

Why is this you may ask? Well, to be honest, kids shit me up the wall. All kids annoy the living shit out of me at most, and if I can handle them, I have no greater joy than handing them back to their parents after a couple of hours (albeit, when I do, said kids are riding a massive sugar high, covered in mud/paint/texta/flour/some other form of parent irritant, and have also possibly learned some really good methods for destroying the home. Parents: don't let your children near me.) So in essence, complaining about your children is really annoying TO ME, in fact, why have them if you're going to complain. It's why i WON'T have them, because really, I don't want to complain about something I brought on myself.

I also don't care how shit your life is, especially if you smell, REALLY BADLY... that could be WHY your life is shit, and maybe, if you'd have a shower (maybe several in a row to start with), it may get better. I also don't want to hear about how shit your life is if your a suit. Your a suit. Get over it, you made the choice stfu.

Now for the shopping experience. WHOA!!!! Complain about that chick back there whom I happen to have drinks with every Friday night arsehole. And what are you complaining about? Something she couldn't do something about more often than not. You're a fucking jerk, and abused the living daylights out of her for it. In fact, I really want to punch you square in the face right now, but the customer is always "right". It's a sad truth, but in actual fact. You're not.

Another thing. Messy customers. No I don't mean appearance. But just. Messy.
For example. I was put to facing the dairy case this evening. Not an easy job considering for most of it, you have your head in a fridge. Also not an easy job, when most dairy workers don't know about stock rotation and you find a bunch of almost out of date stuff at the back, and hiding behind the stuff thats nowhere near out of date.
In the general rule of facing, you bring two forward in each row, so even if someone buys something, there's not a HUGE gap making the place ugly. I try and bring three or four to the front, when its things like milk, butter, juice (your usual dairy case stuff) because people tend to buy it frequently.
So I'm happily facing away, rotating stock as I go, and a customer walks past me and says to her daughter "See, I told you they only emply lazy people here". Ok. Thanks lady, like to see you do this. Did you know that if I didn't do this, you'd be reaching to the far end of the top shelf for your milk? And now I know who you are, I won't help you when you have to one day.
What annoys me even more, is when you walk past the milk fridge at the end of your shift, and its worse than before you started. I don't mind the fact people BUY stuff, that doesn't bother me. But seriously, do you have to MOVE THE MILK AROUND? It's highly irritating, and makes me a little sad that I made it look so good for you, the customer.
Actually, I've decided, get out of my store, and leave it alone, I like it the way it is once I've faced.