Friends

There seem to be lots of variations on the meaning of the word "friend".
A friend could be someone you turn to in time of need, someone who goes out drinking with you even if they don't like the place your drinking. They could be someone that you have very similar interests with, and similar hobbies. They could be a family member, a school mate, a work colleague or any random person on the street.
There is the infamous "best friend".
Then there are times when that friendship moves on to the next level, and you become "more than friends".

More often than not, your friends, will have other friends. Sometimes you get along with these other circles, sometimes you think, that if given the chance, you would punch the living daylights out of each person one by one, just for the mere satisfaction of bringing them down a peg or two, (note, this is usually an occurence when one of your friends floats between social status circles, and you're the "underdog" and this other group thinks they have it over you).

Then you have those friends that you are embarassed to introduce to your tight knit circles. I am usually this friend, not that its a bad thing. I'm just loud, obnoxious, a smartarse and my shame is non-existant. This can make for some awkward meetings, not for me, but for others, because quite frankly, I don't give a shit.

However, events in the not so recent past have forced me, to redefine my definition of a friend.
Where do lines of friendship begin and end? How do we define when these lines are crossed, or jumped up and down on? How do we, as people, define what and who is truly our friend?

So often do I go to uni, or work, and socialise with my affectionately labeled friends. Some of these I would consider a closer friend than others. Some I just class as a friend because we have the same friends. However I have always prided myself on having a few, close, select friends, with whom my trust and loyalty is permanently embedded in the friendship.
Or so I thought.
This is where the "friend line" needs to be drawn. What can one consider a fair and just line to draw in the friendship sand when building a friendship? Most people I talk to say that friendship is built on trust, loyalty, reliability, and a special form of friend love.
This friend love is unique, and once in a blue moon, can form in real love, but thats another story for another day.
My friend line is drawn in the sand, with these things in mind. As well as confidence and privacy.
For example, if a friend came to me, with boyfriend troubles, the last thing I would do is talk to my other friends about it. Hell, not even the significant other would hear about it unless I needed some advice on how to guide her through her tough time.
Apparently, this loyalty and trust is fast becoming a thing of the past. I have had to rid myself of people around me, whom I cannot place my trust in. Why? Because they were relaying everything going on in my life, not only to their significant other, who works with my significant other, and enjoys stirring shit, but ALL their other friends, who either A) don't know me or B) decided long ago I was some waste of time. The quote "just tell her to fuck off" comes to mind, as something this supposed friend was told by one of her mates, in regards to issues I was having but she couldn't "deal with".

Looking back on it all, I wonder why I thought I was any different to any of her other friends. Her excuse for telling her beloved? "We share everything". Well, that's fine, but that doesn't give you the right to share MY everything with the cock.
She used to tell me all her other friends problems as well. Although, if I spoke to her (merely to get something off my chest), it was "I don't need to hear this, I don't know this person" etc etc. What and you think I care that your speaking to someone whom you have less respect for than you have for me? I really don't want to hear all your other friends problems either, but you lay them out on me all the time.
Perhaps it was because I labelled this particualr person as my best friend, that I failed to see, that I was placed in the same basket as everyone else in her books. Just someone to hang out with when noone else was available, someone to bitch about to all her other friends, and someone to stab in the back when she was caught.

But I digress. It seems to me as though someone can only be considered a true friend, when they don't go past that line you have set up in the beginnings of the friendship. And the only way to find this out, is for time to carry on, and let this person go either way.

Of course, other people have experienced the best friend wrath as I have. And most of us more than likely spend our time afterwards finding it hard to ever trust somebody again. I for one, have found my old friends, with whom I parted ways with years ago, and circumstance has brought us back together. Of course, as we never parted ways on bad or willing terms, it just happened our lives took us in different directions, we are able to renew and continue our lasting friendship, that has, in fact weathered past all the absences of each other in our lives.
These are the kinds of friends that will always be there, regardless of where you are, and what has happened. "Bailing" each other out, helping each other, and being there for each other is essential, and what we do. Because we are a group of friends we can talk openly amongst ourselves, and the unwritten rule that what we say as a group stays within the group, is upheld. Unless of course someone asks for external advice.
In essence I suppose, true friends end up being a part of an extended family, that we all love being a part of, and can choose to come and go as we please.